Martial Arts Acting
by Judaphine
Summary: Ranma's been putting on a show for the NWC, but decides to leave the Stage and the town. As his past catches up to him, can he switch roles as he switched names? My first fanfic. Reviews are welcome. Rated T for language.
1. He Ducked?

Disclaimer: I do not own any partof Ranma 1/2 or GTO. The both belong to somebody else. Therefore... You ca-an't sue me! Neener neener neener

Ranma was tired. Tired of going through the same routine every day, with the fights, flirts, and mallets. He was especially tired of keeping up the act. He was sick of walking around with a stupid look on his face and talking like a dumb jock. But if there was one thing he'd learned in his short life, it was that the dumber people thought you were the less trouble they caused. Now, I know what you're thinking. Yes, Ranma's life is utterly chaotic, but it could be worse. Playing dumb may have gotten him _in_to trouble a lot, but it most often got him _out _of it. When in a sticky situation, it was sometimes a good idea to act too stupid to know what was going on.

He was now flying over Nerima, a result of one of the incidences where that ploy didn't work. It never worked with Akane's 'hit first, ask later' policy. Recently, he had begun taking pains to avoid her and it seemed like having to put up with the foul-tempered bitch had finally taken its toll. '_I've had enough of this bullshit,'_ thought Ranma. '_I've managed to save up enough cash from workin' for Uchan to pay of the mercenary. It's time to move out_.' That settled, he turned in mid-air, landed lightly on his feet in a park, and made his way back to the Tendo dojo.

When he arrived at the dojo, he entered the guest room through the window, bypassing the rest of the house to avoid confrontation. Considering he'd never really unpacked to begin with, it didn't take him long to snatch up the few items and articles of clothing that weren't already in his travel pack. He left a note for Nabiki in her empty room along with enough money to pay off his debts. Then he returned to the guest room, snatched up his pack, and hopped back out the window and as far away from that house as he could before stopping at a distant grocery store for supplies. Having bought enough for a few months, he continued on his way, not sure of where he was headed, only that he wanted to get far away from that house.

'_Finally_,' he thought as he sped away, '_no more blackmail, food poisoning, mallets to the head, wedding plans, rescues, or hearin' that old bastard complain about havin' an "ungrateful, weak, or spoiled" son.' _He pondered that list bitterly. '_Of all that, the rescues hurt the most. You'd think Akane would at least be nice to me after all the times I saved her ass. But, like the sayin' goes, "you can't teach an old bitch new tricks".'_ He noticed that he had made his way to a wooded area about three blocks from Furinkan (and about six from the Tendo dojo), and decided to set up camp in a clearing.

* * *

It was a beautiful Monday morning at Furinkan High. The sun was shining brightly with not a cloud in the sky, the students were chatting merrily as they sat in class, and the local bookie/loan shark/information broker was doing business as usual. The only things out of the ordinary were the fact that said broker was still reeling from the discovery of her cash cow having paid her off and flown the coop. The younger sister of the mercenary was oblivious as always (and irritated at not having said cash cow around as an excuse for being late).

Normally, Nabiki wouldn't worry about Ranma's absence. She wouldn't be worried now if it wasn't for the fact that he'd paid her, in _full_. Added to that, he was also in school already. '_What's going on?' _she thought. '_If he wanted to run away, wouldn't he ditch school?'_

Little did she know, at that very moment, Ranma was discussing that very subject with his homeroom teacher. "Ninomiya sensei," he said to a child-like Hinako, "I wanted to let you know that this'll be my last week of class."

"Oh, _really_," she replied. "Skipping school is for delinquents, Mr. Saotome." She made as if to pull some change from her pocket.

"Chi gau," said Ranma quickly, tensing for the impending energy drain, "I'm movin' away." He visibly relaxed as her hand left her pocket.

"Oh," she mused, "I guess that's okay then. Just be sure to try harder at your next school and I won't have to come discipline you." Ranma sweat-dropped at that, but decided not to comment. As I said, he was only _pretending_ to be stupid.

Meanwhile, Akane was sitting at her desk, fuming at Ranma. Why? The usual reasons of suspicion, irritation at imagined slights, anger at his apparent flirting with the teacher (never mind that the teacher looked like a 9 year-old), and more irritation that she couldn't hear what was being said and didn't know what was going on.

'_What's that pervert up to _now_?'_ she thought. If it wasn't for her fear of being drained, she would have jumped to her programmed series of actions: when in doubt, 1) blame Ranma, 2) yell at Ranma, and 3) hit Ranma. As it was, all she could do was sit there and stew in her irritation. She pounced as soon as he returned to his seat in front of her. "What was _that_ all about?" she asked, rudely.

"None o' yer business," he replied, just as rudely.

"What did you say?" she asked through clenched teeth.

"I said, 'None o' yer business'," he repeated as if to a deaf person.

This, of course, set of the usual Akane bomb, and Mallet-sama appeared to the catch phrase of "RANMA NO BAKA!" She took aim, swung, and… missed, completely destroying his desk in the process. She was shocked. _'I missed,'_ she thought. _'I _never_ miss.' _Of course, it never occurred to her that he might actually be _letting_ her hit him, or that hitting him was a _bad_ thing. Then, she suddenly realised that Ranma must have ducked, and that a certain, energy draining, delinquent punishing teacher was staring at her with a particular look in her eye.

If you want to make it through the school day healthy, it's usually best not to attract the attention of the school disciplinarian/ki vampire. "HAPPO GO EN SATSU!" Akane dropped back into her seat as a skeletal husk while Ranma tried to contain his sniggers. For once, Akane was being punished for her violence at no cost to him. Unfortunately, this didn't improve Akane's sour mood for the day, but then, what could? Through the rest of the school day, Akane kept trying to mallet Ranma and he kept ducking. Whenever Hinako saw it happen, she would drain Akane for bullying Ranma. Needless to say, Akane spent a great deal of the day slumped over her desk.

At the end of the day, Hinako asked Ranma to see her after school, which cheered Akane up as she thought he was in trouble. She left the school with a smug look on her face, forgetting about the number of times she'd been drained for her behaviour. After all the students had gone, Ranma approached the little teacher's desk.

"Saotome-san," she began, "I'm beginning to see why you're moving."

"You are?" he asked with feigned curiosity.

"Oh, yes," she replied, seriously. "That Tendo Akane is quite a delinquent bully. I've been considering the problem and it occurred to me that she might be the cause of you poor grades. Having to constantly defend yourself must be quite a distraction. I was wondering if you would appreciate having the rest of the week off from school. I could tutor you at home, instead, so that you can catch up with the rest of the class."

"I don't think that's necessary, teach," said Ranma, hastily. _'Can't have her findin' out about my "dumb" act,'_ he thought. "I think I can handle a few more days. I already put up with it fer two _years_, didn't I?"

"I… guess… if you think that's best, Saotome-san." He nodded vigorously to get her to drop the subject. "Very well, see you tomorrow."

"Ja ne!" and with that, he rushed out of school and headed for his camp ground.

* * *

Ranma had kept up the act for another week, the last he'd have to bother with. He also continued ducking Mallet-sama. The Tendos and his parents had finally figured out that he'd left and were putting pressure on Akane to bring him back. Added to that, was the fact that no one could figure out where he'd run off to. Oh, sure, Ryoga had come across his camp ground by sheer luck a couple of times. But it wasn't like anyone could trust his directions. As a result of the pressure on her, Akane tried to punish Ranma more often for his absence. The key word is _tried_. She had yet to land a blow.

Although she was putting more effort into lashing out, Akane had learned not to fool around in Miss Ninomiya's class (constant draining will do that to ya), but she had several other opportunities during the day. And, since this is Akane we're talking about, just because she always missed didn't mean she'd give up. Because of her increasing frustration at not being able to bully… er… administer just punishment to Ranma, Ryoga (whenever he showed up) put more effort into punishing him in her stead.

Unfortunately for Ryoga, after having faced (and defeated) a demi-god, Ranma considered the Lost Boy a pushover and no longer worth the effort. Plus, some weeks prior, Ranma had been secretly training in the Bakusai Tenketsu, and we all know he's a prodigy when it comes to martial arts. Now, a simple kick was as effective on Ryoga as it was on Kuno, who was his usual, annoying self.

Kuno had become more of a problem lately for the simple reason that Akane, when she wasn't trying to hit him, was splashing him with cold water just for the hell of it. And, as it was usually in front of Kuno, he had to wonder if the "Blue Thunder" really _was_ stupid enough not to see the truth or if he was faking it. The fact that Kuno kept mistaking his boy half for the "Osagina Onna" lately was somewhat worrisome.

Finally, it was the weekend. Ranma had managed to keep working for Ukyo without getting her in _too_ much trouble with the Fiancée Brigade, and had saved enough (along with what he had left from paying Nabiki) to move on. Of all the people he'd be leaving behind, Ukyo was the one to cause the least trouble. They had resolved their particular fiancé trouble with the mutual confession that they thought of each other as siblings.

Ranma was leaving Nerima with a clear conscience. What with all the times Akane had cancelled their engagement and the fact that she was setting the pattern for spousal abuse before they were even married, Ranma had absolutely no intention of staying with her. As to the amazon thing, due to fact that the only tie they had on him was an arcane law that's not even considered valid outside their own borders, he wasn't even considering _that_ match, especially since the Kiss of Marriage was given nowhere _near_ Joketsuzoku Village. Kodachi didn't even count as a fiancée.

With the hellish week over, Ranma packed up his camp and went to collect his final pay cheque from Ucchan's. Since his girl half brought in so many customers, along with the feminine Konatsu, Ukyo's generosity and friendship had made working there worthwhile.

"Hey, Ucchan," he said as he entered the shop.

"Hey, sugar," she replied. "That tomboy was here lookin' for ya again."

"Really?" he asked in surprise, sitting at the grill. "She still think yer hidin' me?"

"Yep. Went an' searched the place, too."

"Damn. I knew she was stubborn, but this is ridiculous."

"I think she hit the Neko Hanten too, cause Shampoo blew through here a coupla times. By the way, I had to take repairs outta yer pay," she said, handing him the cash filled envelope.

"Aw, geez, Ucchan. Cut me some slack, will ya?"

"Nuh-uh, Ran-chan. It's bad enough I feed that bottomless pit you call a stomach for free. So, where ya headed?"

"I thought I'd hit Juuban. It sounds pretty peaceful."

"It won't be for very long if _you're_ going there."

"What's _that_ s'posed ta mean?" Ranma asked indignantly.

"Face it, Ran-chan, yer a walkin' chaos magnet. Wherever you go, trouble follows."

"Well the only trouble that's likely to follow me is Ryoga and the Amazons, and _that's_ only if they know where I am." In truth, Ranma had lied about his destination in case there was anyone listening who shouldn't be. As the saying goes, 'It's not paranoid if they really _are_ out to get you'. (AN: I bet you thought this was gonna be a SM crossover.) "Well," he said as he stood and collected his belongings, "gotta go. Ja ne."

"See ya round, Ran-chan," Ukyo replied, watching him leave. 'I hope you're happier wherever you're goin',' she thought.

As soon as he left, he turned and headed, not toward Juuban, but his true destination.


	2. Holy Crap

Ranma stood outside what he hoped would be his ne school. He was full of both apprehension and hope. He knew that Holy Forrest Academy was a private school and that there was no way he'd be able to afford it, considering the low-paying job he'd gotten. But he'd heard that the chairperson was very accommodating and open-minded, two things that are a must for the aqua-transsexual. Hopefully, they'd let him in on a scholarship. He knew he could easily pass any entrance exam.

He'd also learned that the school's Vice Principle took all people at face value based on both physical appearance and paperwork (and that the interview would go better with his girl form, but we're not gonna go there). This was what made him apprehensive. In his signature Chinese outfit, he didn't exactly look like a typical perspective student. And playing dumb for so many years didn't exactly produce the best transcript.

So, after a few calming breaths, he entered the building in search of the chairperson. No sense getting turned away at the door by a snob.

The chairperson's office

"So, young man, you truly wish to attend Holy Forrest?" asked Mrs. Sakurai.

"Yes, Ma'am," Ranma replied. "I've heard many good things about this school, and I want to make my last year count."

"Really?" she asked, not bothering to question him on the 'last year' part. "Well then, I don't see why we can't give you a chance." She reached into her desk and pulled out some papers. "Here's the entrance exam. You'll have one hour to complete it. Should you pass, you may consider yourself a student on a full scholarship." She handed him the papers and waited for him to get settled. "Begin," she said, marking the time on her watch.

One hour later

"Time's up," said Mrs. Sakurai. "Please, hand me your paper so that I may grade it."

Ranma did as asked, then looked on with complete confidence as she graded his entrance exam. It had been too easy, and he didn't bother putting in any wrong answers.

By the time she'd reached the end, Mrs. Sakurai had a surprised look plastered on her face. _'The boy has a perfect score,'_ she thought. After double-checking, she looked up at him and smiled. "Welcome to Holy Forrest Academy, Mr. Shinomori," she said. Yes, Ranma had gone about getting his name changed that last week in Nerima. He was also a huge Rurouni Kenshin fan, and that name had the best feel to it.

"Before I start school," said Ranma, "there's something you need to know."

"What is it young man?" asked Mrs. Sakurai.

"I may have some trouble with the uniform," he replied, mentally preparing himself for her reaction.

"And why is that?"

"Two reasons," he said, filling a glass from the water pitcher on her desk. "One, I can't afford it. And two," SPLASH, "I'd be in the wrong one half the time," she finished.

"Oh, my. How is this possible?" asked Mrs. Sakurai in shock.

"To make a _really_ long story short, I'm a martial artist, I went to a cursed training ground to improve my Art, and I got cursed. There are others that have similar curses, but I'm one of the few that stayed human."

"Amazing. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I never would have believed it."

"Heck," said Ranma, "some see it and _still_ don't believe it." We all know who she's talking about, now don't we?

"Well, in light of your situation, I think I can make an exception for your _female_ half. However, you will be provided with a uniform for your male half and you will be expected to wear it. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Ranma conceded. There was really no point in arguing and jeopardising his acceptance.

Mrs. Sakurai made out a list and handed it to Ranma. "These are the supplies you will be expected to carry," she said. "If you will give me your measurements, I can have two uniforms with elastic waists delivered to you."

"Um... could I pick 'em up from you?" she asked. "I'm still kinda lookin' for somewhere to stay."

"I see," she replied. "I take it, then, that you are an independent student?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Well then, I suppose I can do that. I'll expect you in my office first thing Monday morning."

"Hai, Sakurai-san."

Monday, after receiving and changing into his new, navy-blue uniform, Ranma stood at the front of his new class. The other students seemed to have about as much interest in him as a bug on the wall, which was alright with him. The teacher, a fellow martial artist by the look of him, finally settled down the class enough to introduce him. "Class," said Mr. Onizuka (yes, that Onizuka), "we have a new student with us today. I'd like you all to be nice to this one, at least until he gets used to you." _'Huh?' _thought Ranma. "Please, introduce yourself."

"Ohaiyo gozaimasu," Ranma said formally, for the first time ever. "Shinomori Hajime desu," he had completely changed his name, deciding to use 'Ranma' as a middle name. He could hear the usual whispers of 'he's cute' and 'wonder where he's from' that spread around the room.

"Mrs. Sakurai told me you had something to show us that I needed to set up hot and cold water for. Something to do with the uniform requirement?"

"Em," said Ranma, eager to get this over with. "Now, please watch closely. I don't like doing this." He picked up a glass of cold water, making sure all eyes were on him, then dumped it over his head. Various noises of shock echoed around the room. "I have, what is called, a Jusenkyo curse. As you can see, cold water turns me into a girl. This is why I needed leeway where the uniform is concerned." She then picked up a teakettle, testing the temperature, and poured some of its contents on her head, causing another round of shock. "Hot water changes me back." Although he would rather avoid this demonstration, he had learned that simply telling people about the curse caused less problems than hiding it.

"Incredible," said Onizuka. "Those things were _real_!"

"Uh, yeah," said Ranma, sweat-dropping.

"How the hell did you pick up something like _that_?" asked Murai.

"I don't believe it," said Uwahara. "It's obviously just a dumb trick." She was joined by many other voices of disbelief.

"You wouldn't be the first person not to believe it," said Ranma, "even after seeing it. I'd offer proof, but opening my shirt in class seems like a bad idea." That was met with several shouts of 'no it wouldn't', 'we don't mind', and 'take it off.' Not too surprisingly, Onizuka contributed to the voices of the male students. Ranma merely rolled his eyes, then continued. "Suffice to say, a guy doesn't normally shrink by about a foot and grow extra curves by adding water, okay?"

"I still don't believe it," Uwahara said, stubbornly.

"Fine then," said Ranma, splashing himself and changing again, "since you've got an Akane complex, come up here and I'll prove it."

While Uwahara made her way to the front, Onizuka leaned over to ask a question. "Hey, Shinomori, what's an Akane complex?"

"Akane was this stubborn chick I knew in my old school. She never believed a word I said, even when I had proof and witnesses as backup."

Uwahara was now at the front with Ranma and Onizuka. "Alright, enough with the insults. How're you gonna prove it?"

"Simple," said Ranma, presenting her chest, "give 'em a poke."

"NANIIIII!" The fact that this was shouted by the entire class gave it extra volume.

"Go ahead," said Ranma, nonchalantly. "If I'm lyin' you won't find anything but a sock or something, right?"

Cautiously, Uwahara reached out a hand, forefinger extended, and poked… then she poked again, disbelief and shock clear in her eyes. Then, to be completely certain, she grabbed… and fainted. "Told ya so," was the last thing she heard.

The rest of the week proceeded in a similar fashion, with Ranma only having to convince his other teachers. After that, his only problem was keeping perverts (like Fukarota) from splashing him. All in all, when compared to his previous school experience, Holy Forrest beat Furinkan to a pulp.

It was lunch time, and Ranma was telling some of the students (the Onizuka clique) how he'd gotten his curse. "I've been a martial artist my whole life and was on a training trip with my old man."

"Really?" asked Tomoko. "That sounds cool."

"Yeah, well, it sounds a lot cooler than it was. Anyway, my pop, being the idiot that he is, decided to look up a special training ground in China that he saw in a brochure. Problem was, he couldn't speak or read a word of Chinese."

"Let me guess," said Aizawa, "the brochure was in Chinese and it said that the training grounds were cursed, right?"

"Yep, you got it in one. Plus, the translation for the name of the training grounds is 'Pools of Sorrow'. Nice place to go trainin', ain't it?"

"So, how exactly did you get cursed?" asked Yoshikawa.

"Well, the place is called Pools of Sorrow for a reason. There are over a hundred springs there, and something drowned in every one of them. Whoever falls in one is cursed to turn into whatever drowned in that spring. I got knocked into Nyaniichuan, my Pop got knocked into Shonmaoniichuan, and there are some pretty freaky things there, too."

"Like what?" asked Onizuka.

"Well, I knew a guy who was bathed at birth in the Spring of Drowned Yetti Riding Ox Carrying Crane and Eel," said Ranma. Everyone sweat-dropped. "Yes, it looks as weird as it sounds. He's got a weird name to go with his form, too." He waited with a sly grin for the inevitable question.

"What is it," asked Tomoko.

Ranma's grin broadened, "Pantyhose Taro." This was followed by a group face-fault, which was followed by a brief explanation.

While Ranma was happily chatting away with his new friends, several individuals in both Japan and China were sneezing their heads off. One of which, was very close to the school at the moment, and getting closer.

There they all were, sitting and chatting on the school lawn, when, suddenly, a familiar battle cry echoed through the air.

"SAOTOME RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

"HIT THE DECK!" Ranma shouted at his new friends. They barely moved in time to evade the umbrella that left a crater where they were sitting, having been trained by years of Onizuka related disasters. As it was, they were lucky not to have been all that close to Ranma at the time. That training would soon come in handy, for the Lost Boy, the most dangerous member of the Nerima Wrecking Crew, had found Ranma once again.


	3. Mistaken Identity?

AN: Thank you to all the lovely people who've reviewed this so far. And not a single flame yet

On with the show... er... story!

* * *

Everyone moved as far from the blast site as they could. Some of them had minor injuries from the shrapnel. As the dust cleared, they could see a lone figure standing in the crater. Onizuka moved over to Ranma to get an explanation. "Hey, Shinomori, who's this guy?" 

"He's a problem from my past," he whispered. "Just follow my lead and we might get rid of him for a while."

"Okay, but I gotta warn ya. If you're goin' for a cover-up, your weak link is Tomoko. She's not exactly the sharpest tack in the box."

"How dare you abandon Akane, Ranma!" Ryoga shouted.

"What the heck are you talking about!" Ranma yelled, hoping that the others would catch on and stay out of it. "Who the hell are you!" apparently, nobody wanted to catch the attention of a guy who could make huge craters in the ground with an umbrella, because no one dared interrupt.

"Don't play dumb Ranma. You know very well what I'm talking about!"

"No, I don't. And the only dumb guy I see is the one who'd hurt innocent people in a case of mistaken identity!"

"WHAT!"

"You heard me! You just put dozens of people at risk by attacking somebody you don't even know!" so far, Ranma's plan was working. Ryoga was staring to get confused and began to notice his surroundings, the injured bystanders… and the fact that this apparent Ranma look-alike was wearing his hair down, no pigtail. Ranma could see the guilt on Ryoga's face. The others, who, for the most part, had caught on to Ranma's plan, joined in (Aizawa warning Tomoko to keep her mouth shut).

"Hey, Shinomori," Kikuchi yelled, "what's going on!"

"Yeah," said Yoshikawa, "I almost lost an eye!"

"Hell if I know," said Ranma. You'd have to ask the jerk with the umbrella."

"What the hell did he attack us for, Hajime?" said Murai.

At hearing Ranma being called this, Ryoga blanched. _'Oh, man,' _he thought, _'I've attacked the wrong person.'_ "G-gomen!" he yelled to all assembled. "Honto ni gomen! I've made a terrible mistake!" _'Ranma, this is all your fault!' _he thought as he ran off.

Everybody waited until they were sure he was gone, then they gathered around Ranma for an explanation (along with the rest of the school, especially VP Uchiyamada and Mrs. Sakurai).

"So," Murai began, "I take it you're Saotome Ranma."

"Not anymore," said Ranma. "Had my name legally changed to Shinomori Hajime before I got here."

"So, what was that all about?" asked Kanzaki, nursing a scratched arm.

"That's exactly what I'd like to know!" yelled Uchiyamada. He was still a little upset that Ranma had gotten into the school without his say.

"Everybody, calm down. I can explain," said Ranma.

"This had better be good," Uchiyamada again.

"Well, the guy who just tore through here was a boy named Hibiki Ryoga," Ranma began. "He's tough enough to bust through concrete, and dumber than a box of rocks."

"I would say that no one can possibly be that tough," said Kikuchi, "but I just saw him put a giant hole in the lawn."

"Yeah, that's Ryoga," Ranma continued. "Anyway, he's part of the reason I changed my name and moved here. And I think I'd better move again. He's one of a group of… problems I left behind." Ranma fidgeted at being the centre of attention again, not quite sure how to continue.

"Go on," Mrs. Sakurai prompted.

"Well… starting with him… he's a short tempered and violent berserker with no sense of direction who fell into the Spring of Drowned Piglet and blames all his problems on me, even the fact that he can get lost in a room with one door."

"You're kidding," Uwahara said.

"Nope, and he's just the first one. If we're lucky, the others won't find me. But then I've _never_ been lucky. The next one, the girl he was yelling about, Akane, is a violent, short tempered, spoiled brat who hits me when I argue with her, or when she sees a girl flirting with me, or when she sees me being nice to a girl, or when she thinks I'm picking on her pet P-chan, a.k.a. Ryoga, or if she thinks I'm being a pervert, or when I tell her that her cooking sucks."

"Um…" said Aizawa, "only the last two are really worth getting mad at."

"Sure," Ranma replied, "except for a couple of details. One, Akane thinks _all_ boys are perverts and she'd call me that even when she'd walk in on me in the bathroom or if another girl kissed me. And two, Akane's cooking can and has moved on its own. The Tendos have the HazMat collectors on speed dial and have learned to vacate the premises whenever she intends to cook. And, before you ask, no, I'm not joking."

"Dear lord," said Mrs. Sakurai. "Is that what you had to live with?"

"Yeah, and that's not all. I know when I said Akane hit me you all thought I meant little girly slaps. You're wrong. Her weapon of choice is a mallet."

"WHAT!" shouted all listeners (everyone there).

"Yep. The next set on our loony list are the Kunos. Remember how I said there were people who didn't believe my curse after seeing it?" He waited for the nods. "They are those people. No matter how often I changed in front of Kuno Tatewaki and Kuno Kodachi, they never believed it. They thought I was two different people. What made it worse was that they were in love with one half while they wanted to kill the other."

"Man, that's messed up," said Murai.

"And I'm still not finished," said Ranma.

"There's _more_?" asked Onizuka.

"Yep. There's Nabiki Tendo, bookie, loan shark, information broker and all around mercenary; Shampoo and Cologne of the Chinese Amazons, who claim I'm Shampoo's husband according to their laws even though it was carried out here and has no bearing; and Moose, also of the Chinese Amazons, who wants to kill me to win Shampoo. My friend, Ukyo, would be after me too if we hadn't patched things up before I left. All of these people have been my fiancées or rivals, respectively, and make up what's known as the Nerima Wrecking Crew," he finished, finally.

"NERIMA!" came the shocked cry from all around.

"I see you've heard of it," said Ranma, facetiously. "It might be a good idea to get full coverage on your insurance while I'm here. Be sure to include everything from demon rampages to underwear stealing trolls."

"Huh?" said Onizuka.

"Well… there's one I didn't mention," Ranma explained. "You know how, when you were little, you used to believe calling the bogeyman made him appear?" Everyone nodded. "In this case, it's true. There's a three hundred year old perverted martial artist in Nerima. If you call out his name, he comes to haunt you."

"Anything else we should know about?" asked Aizawa sarcastically.

"Just that if you meet a fat, old, bald guy wearing spots glasses and a dirty gi, avoid him at all costs. Otherwise, you might end up having something stolen or end up engaged to me," replied Ranma.

The rest of the school day was cancelled, seeing as how they had to repair the hole in the lawn and see to the resultant injuries. Everyone had gone home save for Onizuka, who lived there. If Ranma hadn't known how a normal school was supposed to operate, he would have been surprised at the closure. As it was, he gave fair warning to be prepared for it to happen more often as his other… problems may come to visit at some point. Especially since he had probably pissed off the Amazon contingent before he left. It seems that, somehow (hint, hint), the authorities were made aware of several cases of drug use, sexual harassment, attempted kidnapping, attempted rape, stalking, and assault that they had committed while on Japanese soil. They were now, apparently, about to be deported. Of course, there's no way of knowing who tipped off the authorities, right?


	4. Secrets Revealed: He's What?

AN: thank you to all those who sent me lovely lovely reviews.

Warning: plot twist at the end.

* * *

Ukyo was worried. Someone had set the authorities on the amazons and they were getting desperate. For the past two weeks, they had been searching high and low for Ranma to drag him off to China before they could be deported. The Neko Hanten had been shut down and the cops had yet to catch them. The fact that Cologne had gone and threatened Akane and Nabiki, because of their suspected part in the current situation, only made things worse. Any thinking person would have asked why Nabiki would bother ratting out some of her best customers. And everyone knew Akane didn't have the patience, or sense, to press charges. As it was, their actions only caused Nabiki to add her own charges to the list, with evidence and witnesses to back up her claims and 'insurance' that would likely destroy their entire tribe in case any 'accidents' happened to her. 

Ukyo would have warned Ranma if she could. In fact, she tried. But she couldn't find him anywhere in Juuban the one time she'd looked, so she had to assume he wasn't there. It was a good thing she hadn't found him, for the amazons followed her, hoping she would lead them to him. She was half wishing he'd contact her and half praying he wouldn't. everyone assumed she knew where he was. She had an inkling she was being watched on all sides of the fiancée war; Nabiki because the family finances were failing and she needed the money any Ranma info would bring, Akane (as Ukyo assumed) just to make his life hell for running off and worrying her, the amazons so they could grab him, and Kodachi for that same reason.

'Something tells me Ranma knew this was gonna happen,' thought Ukyo. 'That's probably why he told me he was going to Juuban when he obviously ain't there. But, Ranchan ain't that bright, so maybe he didn't get that far, or maybe he's hidin there somewhere I didn't look. Even Akane's worried for a change… I think.'

Akane wasn't worried, she was pissed. 'How dare that baka just leave like that!' she thought. 'He just ran off and everyone has the nerve to think it was _my_ fault. That _bastard_! When I get my hands on him, he'll wish he was never born!' Yep, Akane was her usual angry, reactionary, and judgemental (emphasis on the mental) self.

Meanwhile, a certain trio of amazons were scouring the area in and around Nerima in search of a popular, pigtailed martial artist. "Great-grandmother," said Xian Pu, "what we do if no find Airen?"

"Don't worry, child," Ko Lon replied. "We'll find Son-in Law. He can't hide forever." 'Although he's doing a good job of it,' she thought to herself. "Remember, we tracked him down all the way from China. We should be able to track him again."

Muu Tsu was thinking along an entirely different track. 'Let's see, my asylum papers should be finalised by tomorrow. I can finally leave these two psycho bitches and that stupid village behind me.' Living outside the Amazon village for the past two years had really opened his eyes to gender equality. Plus, constant abuse from Xian Pu had soured him on the idea of finally marrying her. 'No way in hell am I going back there to be someone's house husband. I finally see why Ranma fought it so hard. Now, if I could just lose them in this search… it shouldn't be _too_ hard. They probably won't miss me til there's something unpleasant to be done.' With that last thought in mind, Muu Tsu made plans to slip away that night.

* * *

Ryoga was lost (what else is new?), but this time, he had a feeling something was wrong. 'Funny,' he thought, 'I could have _sworn_ that guy was Ranma. He looked like him and sounded sorta like him. Only… his hair was different, and he sounded… smarter, I guess. Strange, but thinking about Ranma always led me to him before. Why didn't it work this time?' As he thought, he continued to walk. As he walked, he found himself, again, outside the very prestigious academy. As he realised where he was, a strange thought occurred to him (well, strange to any _normal_ person). 'Maybe I ended up here because that Shinomori guy can help me with Ranma!' While thinking this happy thought, he walked into the school to track down the Ranma look-alike. 

Meanwhile, in Ranma's class, someone happened to look out the window in time to see the return of the Lost Boy. "hey, Shinomori," said Kusano, "that guy from before is back."

"Whoa, it's only been a week. That's gotta be a record," Ranma replied.

"You're not worried?" asked Yoshikawa.

"Nah, that guy's a push-over," all eyes boggled at that. "You just have to know how to handle him. Anyway, let's just see if he can find this class before we do anything, alright?"

They all settled down to await the arrival of Ryoga, not really trusting Ranma's judgement (or sanity) on this issue. Surprisingly, for Ranma, Ryoga found the class in less than ten minutes. "I can't believe it," said Ryoga. "I found you. I actually found you!" He rushed in and stopped next to Ranma's desk. Ranma, tensed in preparation to defend himself, was stunned by the next words that came out of Ryoga's mouth. "I knew it. My Ranma tracking ability led me to you," author's pause for effect, " because you can help me with Ranma." this statement was followed by a full room face-fault.

"What kind of skewed logic is _that_?" muttered Kikuchi to Kanzaki.

"Hell if I know," she replied.

Ranma had suitably recovered by now and considered his old rival before coming to a decision. 'What better way to get him off my case,' he thought, 'than a little free-lance counselling?' "alright," he said. "Tell me about this Ranma. why do you seem to want him dead?" The rest of the class was wondering what Ranma was thinking, but didn't interfere.

"Well, he's an insensitive jerk who always hurts Akane and runs away every time we fight," Ryoga began, taking a seat in front of him.

"Really? And why do you want to fight him?"

"Because of him, I've seen hell!"

"That's not much of an explanation, you know," said Kanzaki.

"Yes," Ranma agreed. "Why don't you start from the beginning?" he suggested. 'At this rate,' he thought, 'this could take all day!'

"Alright," said Ryoga. "It all started cause Ranma ran out on our duel."

"What were you fighting for?" asked a curious Onizuka.

"We used to go to school together, and every day he'd humiliate me," Ryoga replied.

"How?" asked Ranma. 'Geez, this is like pulling teeth,' he thought.

"There was always a battle for food at lunch time," Ryoga explained. "Every day, the lunch lady would toss up the last bread of the day. And every day, he'd use my head as a spring board to grab it before I could."

"That sounds more like survival that deliberate insults. You actually wanted to fight him for such a petty reason?" Ranma asked, making sure to put as much scorn into the question as possible.

"W-well," stammered Ryoga, "yeah. I guess it does sound like a stupid reason when you put it that way. B-but that's not all!" he quickly added to excuse his prior justification. "When he ran off with his father, I followed him, all the way to China!"

"So you followed someone that far over a pointless duel," said Ranma. "Go on. I'm sure there's more."

"Y-yeah… while I was there, I found him at a training ground in the mountains and he and his father knocked me into a pool."

"Was it deliberate?" asked Kikuchi.

"W-well, no but…"

"Then what's the problem?" asked Onizuka.

"It… it was a cursed pool," Ryoga said quietly.

"So you got cursed because you followed someone you shouldn't have over something petty and childish. Isn't that right?" asked Ranma.

"I… I guess so." Ryoga was feeling about two inches tall at the moment.

"And since you're here, I take it that you've been following him ever since," Ranma continued. "Did you ever stop to think about what you were doing or why?"

"N-no, I guess not," said Ryoga. This Shinomori guy had given him a lot to think about, and remained quiet for several moments for him to process it.

"So," Ranma said after a suitable amount of time, "do you still hold a grudge against Ranma?"

"No," Ryoga replied after giving it some thought. "And it looks like I never should have to begin with."

Deciding that Ryoga had learned his lesson for now, Ranma made a revealing statement. "I've been trying to tell you that for the past two years, Ryoga," he said.

Ryoga looked him dead in the eyes as full knowledge began to spark in his brain. "R-Ranma?" he whispered in disbelief. Ranma merely nodded, his eyes full of sympathy. Sympathy or no, Ryoga didn't see it as his old programming kicked in: when it's Ranma, get mad. "How dare you trick me like that!" he shouted, standing in preparation for a fight.

The sympathy in Ranma's eyes turned to disappointment as he answered his rival. "What did you expect me to do? Tell you the truth and let you tear down the school in another pointless fight?"

"I expected you to take your punishment like a man for once!" Ryoga replied.

Punishment for what, Ryoga?" Ranma asked coldly. "For the state of your life, which I have no control over? For leaving behind a group of people who don't even miss me and would rather see me dead? Or maybe for leaving an ex-fiancée who hates me and, like you, blames me for everything that goes wrong?"

"What? What do you mean, ex-fiancée?"

"That's the only part you heard, huh?" Ranma asked sarcastically, not at all surprised. "Yes, ex-fiancée. Akane never loved or trusted me and is abusive into the bargain. And after all the times she cancelled the engagement without either of us ever renewing it, did you honestly expect me to stick with her!"

"W-well…" Ryoga stammered.

"Besides which, I loved her once, but after all the physical and verbal abuse she gave me, I can't stand the sight of her."

"Well… you deserved it, Ranma!" Ryoga yelled, not truly believing it but it was a good excuse.

"For what? Having girls latch onto me like I was an object, trying not to kill myself with that toxic waste she calls cooking, or defending myself from all the lunatics trying to kill me?"

"W-well… she… you… if you hadn't…"

"Face it, Ryoga. Akane just liked to hit me and call me names. It was to the point that she didn't even need a reason anymore. And calling me a pervert was just an excuse. She knew damn well I didn't want those girls hanging off me."

"Well why were they?" asked Ryoga, grabbing at straws.

"Because, as everyone knows, they couldn't take 'no' for an answer. I don't even _like_ girls."

"Huh?" said the class at large.

"It's true," Ranma replied. "Having a female body desensitised me, and getting hit whenever I was flirted with killed whatever was left." All the boys in the room took several giant steps away from Ranma at that statement.

"Umm… d-does that mean…" Ryoga began from several feet away.

"A-are you…" Murai continued.

"Yes guys," Ranma said. "Akane and the curse made me gay." Every male in the room froze in shock and all the girls wore a look of disappointment. Ranma merely sat back with a smirk. Then a thought occurred to him. 'Should I?' he thought. 'Oh, what the hell. Why not?' he stood and slowly walked over to his old rival. "So, Ry-o-ga-kun," he drawled huskily, draping himself over Ryoga's shoulder, "wanna go out some time?"

Ryoga dashed out of the class (and the building) in a blind panic, leaving a giggling Ranma behind.


	5. You're Kidding!

Ryoga stumbled his way onto the Tendo compound. How he could find his way back to that town, let alone that house, in his chaotic state of mind was anyone's guess. All he could think about was the last time he had seen Ranma. 'I don't believe it,' he thought with a shocked look plastered on his face. 'Ranma is… he's…' His thoughts never got much further than that.

Akane was just leaving her house as she saw Ryoga walking up the path. The look on his face worried her and she ran up to him, wondering what could have happened. "Ryoga-kun," she said, "what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"R-Ran-ma…" he whispered.

Akane picked up that one word and almost ran with it, but decided she couldn't do anything if she didn't know where he was. 'I'll bet that bastard was picking on him again,' she thought. 'Just wait til I get my hands on him.' "You've seen Ranma?" she asked, all sorts of punishments dancing in her head for when she next saw him. 'The nerve of that asshole, just leaving like that. And then he goes and gets a restraining order put on us, even his own father!' "Where is he? Where did you find that baka?" She knew it was probably pointless to ask _him,_ of all people, but it was worth a shot.

For once, Ryoga was oblivious to Akane, still lost more in his own mind than the real world. All he could do was stare off into space as those last images of Ranma flew though his head. He merely followed along as Akane led him into the house and the family room where the rest of the household was still having breakfast. "R-Ran-ma…" he muttered again in his stunned stupor. "R-Ran-ma's g-g-g…"

"I take it he's found Ranma," Nabiki drawled.

"Oh my, I hope he's alright," said Kasumi.

Soun and Genma had both dashed across the room and now had a firm grip on Ryoga. "Where is he?" "Where is the boy?" they both asked, simultaneously.

Ryoga was still in his daze and simply began repeating what he said earlier, "R-Ran-ma's g-g-g…"

"He's what?" asked Akane.

"Tell us, boy!" said Genma, shaking Ryoga and removing some of the cobwebs.

"R-Ranma's g-g-gay," said Ryoga, not quite lucid. The Tendo household was stunned by this revelation. Everyone, that is, except for Kasumi.

"Oh my, I was wondering when he'd come out of the closet," she said. Needless to say, this comment raised the shock level considerably and silence reigned for a good long while. No one noticed the twinkle of humour in her eyes or the slight, uncharacteristic smirk she wore.

* * *

Two amazon warriors, one old and one young, were hiding out in the forest surrounding Nerima. What happened to the third, you ask? No, they didn't kill him. He ran off, like a thief in the night, to start a new life somewhere in Japan. The elder knew where he was for an hour or two after he left before she lost him, but neither of them cared enough to go look for him. Besides, they were already too busy with their previous hunt.

Great-grandmother,> said the young amazon in their native tongue, where do you think Airen ran off to? Spatula-girl doesn't know and neither do the others.>

I have no idea, child,> replied the elder. I was hoping they could have led us to him, by now. I can't sense his chi.> Unbeknownst to them, Ranma had been using a new cloaking technique since he left Nerima and had only dropped it when he was far enough not to be tracked. >I have to wonder about Muu Tsu, though,> she mused. Where could that boy have gone off to?>

I don't know,> the girl replied. I don't _care_, either. As long as he's out of my hair, I'm happy.>

Oh, really? Perhaps you'd be interested in the fact that I can't sense him, either.>

So the blind duck learned a new trick. Big deal.>

Maybe. But where did he learn it from? Did Ranma teach him? Maybe he knew where he was the whole time>. Ko Lon knew how unlikely those statements were but Xian Pu's attitude had really started to get on her nerves. 'It's time the girl grew up and stopped underestimating people,' she thought. 'That's probably why Muu Tsu left. One of these days, her arrogance will get her killed.'

Xian Pu pondered this for a moment. Aiyah! If that's true, then that bastard lied to and betrayed us!>

The question is whether it's true or not. Either way, how are they hiding their chi from me? Neither of them is using that pitiful Umi-sen-ken. It's easy to track.>

All I know is that if we ever see Muu Tsu again, he's got a lot of explaining to do.>

* * *

Muu Tsu was walking down the streets of the busy town he was in, as carefree as could be when one considered the fact that he had just deserted his tribe and was hiding out in a foreign country. 'This isn't so bad,' he thought. 'All I need to do is find a job and I should be fine. It would be nice to go to school for a change. Guess I'll go enrol.' (Take a wild guess where.)

First thing on his agenda was finding a job, an easy task for an 18 year old with his experience. There were a lot of restaurants in the area looking for kitchen help and wait staff. 'Now for the hard part,' he thought as he left the restaurant he'd be working in. 'What am I gonna do about school?' As he thought this, he was walking passed an imposing edifice and paused for a closer look. He read the sign on the gate, realised it was a school, and thought, 'Hmm, as good a place to start as any, I guess.' He entered the school grounds and began a new chapter in the saga that was his life.

* * *

Back at the Tendo dojo, "What do you mean 'Ranma's gay!" asked everyone but Kasumi.

"That's what he told me," Ryoga replied, finally having recovered from his shock.

"Ryoga," said Nabiki, "did it ever occur to you that Ranma was pulling your leg? It could have been a trick, you know."

"But he asked me out in front of his entire class!" Ryoga protested. After all, if it was true, Ranma would have no claim on Akane and she'd be free for him to court. "He was practically hanging off me!"

"Ryoga," said Akane, "I hate to point this out, but you're Ranma's favourite target when it comes to pranks like this. Remember all the times he flirted with you as a girl?" 'That pervert,' she thought. 'Just wait 'til I get my hands on him!'

"That just proves it!" he yelled. "Why else would he have done it so often? And I wasn't the only guy he flirted with, either!"

"Oh please," said Nabiki. "He always had an ulterior motive. Ranma only ever flirted for information or to act as a distraction. It doesn't prove a thing."

"Yeah," said Akane. "He even used his girl side to scam for free food. He's just gotten good at it." 'The jerk.'

"The boy must be using that ridiculous excuse to hide out," said Genma, adding his two cents. 'Pleasedon'tletitbetrue. Pleasedon'tletitbetrue,' he prayed, knowing the consequences if Ranma was not a 'man among men'.

"Where did you find him?" asked Soun. "You mentioned something about a class."

"Actually," Ryoga said sheepishly, "I didn't read the sign on the building, so I don't know." He was quick to cover this minor blunder though. "B-but I do know that he's going by the name of Shinomori."

"The boy has forsaken his own father!" Genma cried out his usual act. "Oh, why was I cursed with such an ungrateful son?" 'It's a good idea though,' he thought. 'I may have to change my name too and hide out if No-chan hears about this.'

"That's something to go on, at least," said Nabiki. "I'll look into it for more information." 'I should be able to get a couple of yen for what I have so far,' she thought.

"I could always find him again if I had to," Ryoga offered. 'I just don't _want_ to,' he thought.

"I'll bear that in mind," Nabiki replied.

As usual, no one noticed the pink and white cat sitting in a near by tree or the two ninjas hiding near the doors.

"Master and Mistress Kuno must hear of this," "Ukyo-sama must be told," "I have to tell Great-grandmother," the spies thought as they dashed off.


	6. And The News Spreads

Konatsu wondered how Ukyo would react to his news as he rushed back to the restaurant. "Ukyo-sama!" he called as he entered the building. It was fairly empty at this hour.

"What is it, sugar?" she asked, flipping an okanomiyaki.

"Ranma-sama has been found." The okanomiyaki went flying and would have hit the floor if not for the quick reflexes of Konatsu.

"Who found him? How'd they find him? Where is he? Is he alright?" Ukyo babbled.

"One question at a time, Ukyo-sama," said Konatsu, waving his hands to ward off the barrage.

Ukyo took a deep, calming breath and apologised. "Sorry, sugar. I'm just worried about Ranchan. And how many times have I told you ta call me Ucchan?"

"Gomen, Ukyo-sa…" she glared at him, "er… Ucchan."

"That's better. Now, where is he?"

"No one's quite sure of his whereabouts."

"Why not?" she asked incredulously. "You said he'd been found!"

"He was found by Hibiki Ryoga." Silence, broken only by a mysterious wind carrying a swirl of dust, met that statement.

"Okaaaay," Ukyo continued, "what can you tell me?" asked Ukyo.

"He seems to be in a new school somewhere and is going by the name of Shinomori. He also told Hibiki-san that he was gay."

"Hah!" Ukyo blurted. "That's rich. I wish I could've seen Pig-boy's face when he heard _that_."

"He appeared to still be in shock when he informed the Tendos. Umm… Ucchan… could there not be some truth to it?"

Ukyo snorted in suppressed mirth. "Not a chance," she said. "Considerin' how he looks at Kasumi when Akane ain't watchin' him, there ain't a snowball's chance in hell he swings that way."

"Hmm," Konatsu mused, "you have a point there, Ucchan."

"Course I do. Best bet, he said that to get Ryoga ta buzz off."

"You may be right. I doubt Hibiki-san will go looking for Ranma-sama any time soon," Konatsu said with a grin.

"Yeah," Ukyo said snidely, "can't have tough, manly Ryoga being hit on by a guy, can we?" With that, she gave him a kiss and told him to start washing the dishes.

* * *

Kuno was 'meditating' in his room, as usual, when the disembodied voice of his servant called out to him. "Master Kuno," said Sasuke, "I have information about Saotome Ranma."

"Very well," Kuno replied. "You may enter."

"Yes master," said Sasuke, popping through the floor.

"How many times must I tell you," Kuno yelled, "use the door, fool!"

"S-sorry, master," said a penitent Sasuke.

"Now," said Kuno, sitting down again, "what is this news you bear of the vile wretch, Saotome?"

"He has enrolled in a new school under the name of Shinomori."

"I see," said Kuno, his features turning sly. "Not only has he run in fear of my prowess, he hides behind the name of another to escape Heaven's justice." 'Damn,' he thought. 'I was enjoying our little bouts, though I wish he wouldn't hit me so hard. After all, he can't really blame a guy for wanting to cop a feel of those sweet, luscious breasts.'

A hint of drool escaped his mouth as he thought this, making Sasuke wonder just what was on his master's warped little mind. 'Probably more fantasies of Akane and Ranma's girl half,' he thought. 'My master's a fool, but it could be worse.' "Umm… Master Kuno," said Sasuke, "there's more."

"Yes? Spit it out, man!" Kuno said impatiently. 'Bad enough my pleasantly squishy pigtailed girl is gone,' he thought. 'What else could he possibly have to tell me?'

"It seems that Saotome is… umm…" Sasuke was a bit discomfited by this part. There was no delicate way of saying it to one such as Kuno without risk of misunderstandings.

"Well? What is it?"

"He is… umm… how do I put this? He is… attracted to males, master."

"NANIIII!" Kuno bellowed. 'That sneaky, little bitch,' he thought. 'And all this time, he's been turning me down.' Kuno was in a towering rage. "Where is that vile creature!" he demanded. "I shall smite him when next I see him!" 'If I ever get my hands on him,' he thought, imagining the punishments he had in mind for Ranma's having spurned… er… denied… umm… for having bewitched the fair Tendo Akane in an attempt to hide his true nature (Can you say 'hypocrite'?).

"No one knows, master," said Sasuke. "But Tendo Nabiki is looking into it."

"Very well," said Kuno. "I shall have to discuss this with her post-haste. She should have the necessary information by the end of the week." 'When I find you, Ranma,' he thought, 'you're _mine_!'

Meanwhile, in a ratty little apartment (all he could afford), a certain martial artist felt a sudden chill run down his spine. 'Oh man,' he thought, 'feels like somebody walked over my grave.'

* * *

Shampoo-neko ran swiftly back to their camp in the woods. The first item on her agenda was to find some hot water to change back. The second was to tell her great-grandmother what she'd heard. When she arrived at the camp site, Ko Lon had a kettle waiting and was calmly sipping a cup of tea. Xian Pu wasted no time in changing back and launching into her tale. Great-grandmother,> she said, the Lost Boy found Ranma and says he's gay!>

Unfortunately (fortunately for comedic purposes) Ko Lon had just taken a sip and nearly choked when she spit it out. WHAT!> she yelled.

The Hibiki boy found him in a school somewhere,> said Xian Pu. He's using the name Shinomori and told Ryoga he was gay!>

Hmm,> Ko Lon mused, interesting.> 'So,' she thought, 'he's using that ploy to shake the fool off. It seems he truly wants to be left alone if he's going to those lengths.' That would explain why he shied away from your… charms,> she said aloud. 'Though it may have more to do with you shoving them in his face,' she thought, unkindly. That settles it, then,> she said. We may as well go home.>

But Great-grandmother,> Xian Pu began, only to be cut off.

But nothing,> said Ko Lon. It would be pointless to pursue him now. Besides, he's probably more interested in Muu Tsu,> she said snidely, thinking, 'You don't deserver a man like him, you arrogant bimbo. I can't believe you're my descendant.'

Xian Pu looked shell-shocked at the possibility of having Muu Tsu as a rival, then hung her head resignedly. Yes, Great-grandmother,> she said sadly. I understand.>

Very well,> Ko Lon replied. Let's pack up and leave.> 'I hope he finds a better woman than the ones he was offered,' she thought. 'He's bound to make a better choice than the ones we forced on him.'

* * *

AN: This will be the last update for a while. I'm going home for the summer and my mother tends to ban me from the computer TT sniffles. Anyhoo, I was wondering, could somebody tell me what city Holy Forest Academy is in? Minato ward sounds right, but I just don't know. By the way, for the sake of my story, Kanzaki is the same age as the other students, 18, in case you were wondering why she was still in high school. 


	7. Huh?

Nabiki sat at her computer searching for Ranma with the little information she had been given. 'Let's see,' she thought, 'Shinomori, Shinomori. I can't believe he was stupid enough to use a name I'd recognise.' Yes, Nabiki had seen enough of that show to know the character names, if nothing else. So far, she had been searching for Aoshi Shinomori. Surprisingly, she hadn't found a trace. She then decided to just search school databases for the last name and had narrowed it down to ten. 'Which one is he?' she wondered. 'It can't possibly be the one at the private school, so I guess I'll send my associates to check the others.'

The next day, she sent her minions out to search. By the end of the week, she was faced with the unbelievable. 'It's not possible,' she thought. 'How the hell did he get in _that_ school! He's an idiot, and a poor one at that!' After the other searches had turned up nothing, she had sent one of her lackeys to check on the Holy Forest lead. There they found and identified the missing Ranma.

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"The justice of heaven is slow but sure," said Kuno as he stood outside the gates to the most prestigious private school in Japan. 'So,' he thought, '_this_ is where my pigtailed pretty has been hiding, eh?' "Well," he said, "on with the show." With that, he marched through the open gate in search of our vic-… er… hero. Strangely, as with Ryoga, all the members of the NWC had a minor ability to locate Ranma when in close range.

"VILE SORCERER!" the cry rang through the halls, "THOU SHALT NEVER ESCAPE MINE JUSTICE!"

"Oh, crap," muttered Ranma as he heard the cry draw near. "I guess Nabs found me. Wonder how much she charged Kuno for the information." Seconds later, an irate Kuno stood in the doorway to his class.

"Saotome," hissed Kuno, "didst truly think thou couldst evade me? WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN THE PIGTAILED GIRL!"

"Hey, Kuno," Ranma said nonchalantly. "What's up?"

'Cocky as always,' thought Kuno. 'Gods, he's gorgeous!' "Where is my goddess, vile wretch!" he shouted.

"Listen, Kuno," said Ranma, "as far as I know, your precious 'pigtailed girl' never existed."

"LIES! I SHALL SMITE YOU 'TIL YOU REVEAL THE TRUTH! HAVE AT THEE!" With that, he swung his boken in Ranma's direction. Thankfully, the rest of the class sensed a fight brewing and cleared the area.

Ranma ducked, dodged and wove his way around Kuno's strikes, being sure to limit damage to the class. Realising the lack of room to manoeuvre in the class, Ranma jumped out the window knowing that Kuno would follow (and that there was no pool to transform him this time). What he didn't take into account was that somebody might have parked under that window (guess who ). As the two fought on the way down (Kuno had picked up a few tricks) slashes from the air pressure of some of Kuno's blows were making dents in the car below… then they landed.

There was a resounding crash and, as all heads had poked out of classroom windows to watch the fight, the entire school bore witness to the new and total destruction of Vice Principle Uchiyamada's Cresta. A pain-filled howl was heard echoing through the halls as Uchiyamada tallied up the insurance charges and the likelihood of him ever getting his car back. The following explosion of said car did not help matters any.

The two combatants barely noticed the destruction around them. They had squared off again. "Why don't you just give up, Kuno?" said Ranma.

"Never!" Kuno shouted. "You shall be mine, 'pigtailed girl'!"

Ranma nearly face-faulted at that. "Wait a sec," he yelled, "what did you just say!"

"You heard me," Kuno sneered. "Did you really think I was foolish enough not to have realised the truth all this time? That you and my pigtailed girl were one and the same?"

Ranma was stunned enough to actually reply in the affirmative, causing  
Kuno to sweat-drop. Thankfully, the rest of the students were too far away to hear this over the noise of the burning Cresta. He had had enough trouble convincing them that he was lying for Ryoga's benefit. It was only half a lie, but they didn't need to know that, ne?

"No matter," Kuno said. "How dare you chose to date that peasant over me!"

"What're you talking about!" shouted Ranma.

"Hibiki made the claim that you asked him out! Only I am worthy!"

Ranma turned slightly green at the thought of going out with the village idiot. Ryoga he'd be happy to consider (very happy since he'd seen him naked). But no way in hell would he sink to even being seen with a Kuno unless his life depended on it. "Last time I checked, jackass, that wasn't your decision! Now, get the hell away from me! MOKO TAKABISHA!" The blast hit Kuno square in the chest, and probably into the next ward. He then used a variation of his 'Soul of Ice' technique to put out the car fire before it could get out of hand and returned to class.

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Kuno had, indeed, landed in the next ward… right next to a strange creature resembling a cross between a spider and a dog that was trying to drain his chi. "Vile creature!" he shouted. "How dare you attempt to assault a Kuno! Thou shalt rue the day thou hast accosted the mighty Blue Thunder! I shall smite thee in the name of heavenly justice! HAVE AT THEE!" It was a short fight. And one that Kuno actually won, for a change. All those months of fighting with Ranma paid off.

The fight did not go unobserved, however, as nine girls wearing skimpy sailor suits were standing on the sidelines where they had been fighting the creature before Kuno showed up. "Wow!" said the ditz with the odango hairdo. "That was so _cool_!"

One of the other girls was busily typing away on a computer that appeared out of nowhere. "Where could this guy have come from?" she muttered. "My system's not picking up any real magic signal from him, only ki."

"I've never seen him in the Time Gates, either," said the sailor girl with short, blue hair.

"He's so CUTE!" carolled the odango haired girl and two others. It was at that moment that Kuno chose to head back to Nerima, but not before Sailor Mercury managed to attach a tracking device to his skin.

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Although Kuno had returned from his 'Quest to Punish the Evil Sorcerer Saotome' (or something like that) with a Sailor Senshi tracking device attached to him, the residents of Nerima could breathe a sigh of relief. For as air-headed as the Senshi were, they weren't stupid enough to head into the Nexus of Chaos known as Nerima without a _very_ good reason. And one cute youma slayer was not reason enough.

Our relocated hero, however, was sweating, big time. 'Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!' thought Ranma. 'I think I'm gonna be sick. I knew Kuno was warped, but this just tears it!' thoughts of the deluded kendoists last words burned in Ranma's brain and turned his stomach anew. Thankfully, it was Saturday and school would be over in a few minutes. He didn't think he could stay calm (or hold his lunch in) much longer. 'Dammit! Ryoga must've told the Tendos where I was and Nabiki sold Kuno the information. Jeez, trust bacon-breath not to keep his mouth shut.'

Little did he know (or really care) that the information on his whereabouts was hard-earned by Nabiki and not simply provided by Ryoga. All he knew was that it spelled trouble for him. Unbeknownst to him, his was especially true since two of the customers were a certain pair who had yet to leave the area and had patched things up somewhat with the local information broker/bookie/extortionist. She charged them an exorbitant price, but at least she was willing to sell to them again.

Ranma sat and waited for the final bell, trying to keep the chills at bay. When the time finally came, he jumped out the window and dashed home to a nice, cleansing, shower (for the rest of the weekend).

Meanwhile, a certain pair had just entered the ward and was preparing to set up shop. The Nerima police were surprisingly forgiving. After comparing this pair with the Kunos, the cops considered them relatively harmless and dropped the charges, with a few provisos. Ko Lon's agenda, however, had changed. She had sent word to the village on her opinion of the likelihood of capturing Ranma as a husband, even without the use of force, and their reply was to give up and offer him something more appealing just to stay on his good side. The amazons had long since realised his worth to them, especially after his defeat of the Musk prince and Saffron, feats that the village had never managed to accomplish.

Xian Pu was still tagging along under the mistaken impression that they were chasing after her future husband. The truth was simply that Ko Lon hadn't been inclined to send her home. Somebody had to carry the baggage, after all. Muu Tsu was gone and Ko Lon was old. Xian Pu, for her part, had begun to miss Muu Tsu. 'Where is that stupid duck-boy?' she thought. 'He should be carrying all this crap. I'm a warrior! This is beneath me!' Ko Lon had also begun to show her displeasure with her descendant. As a result, Xian Pu was now on the receiving end of many bops to the head, especially during her Japanese lessons. 'The old bat never used to care before,' thought Xian Pu. 'What do I need it for, anyway? We're only gonna take Ranma back to China. We shouldn't be here for much longer.'

Ko Lon was lost in her own thoughts. 'I hope the boy will accept our deal,' she mused. 'He'd make a powerful ally. All I need to do is keep Xian Pu from screwing it up.' She had decided to buy another restaurant, but to give it a different name so that it wouldn't scare Ranma off. Why another restaurant? Let's face it, food is one of the most lucrative businesses in the world and the amazons had to make a living. Plus, sending Xian Pu on deliveries all day would, hopefully, keep her out of the way and out of trouble. 'Now if only I can keep her from pulling that "Airen" crap while we're here.' Ko Lon had finally realised that encouraging Xian Pu to pursue Ranma, even after Jusendo, was a bad idea. The wedding fiasco and Xian Pu's growing arrogance were proof. Oh well. Nothing to be done about that now but make amends.

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AN: For those of you who have read my story, if you are wondering about this chapter, wonder no more. Yes, I am adding to it as I go. It stumped me and I'm trying to get it at least as long as my others before starting another one.


	8. Enter the Amazons

AN: I have had a few complaints about the behavior of some of my characters. All I can say to that is... piss off! It's my damn story and I'll write it how I want to!

To those who sent me good reviews, thank you

As the two amazons were scouting the local real estate, a former member of their tribe was receiving quite a shock. Muu Tsu had started his new job. And though the work was hard, the pay was fair, and he was treated like a person, not unwanted slave labour. 'Geez,' he thought, 'I should have left the amazons a long time ago. For once, I finally have some money and I get time off.' In the week that he had been away from the others, he had found that the lack of 12-18 hour shifts agreed with him. He had actually rested and felt better than he had in years.

He had spent more time working on his martial arts lately, as well as his studying. He'd learned that although his challenges to Ranma over Xian Pu were stupid and pointless they had helped him improve exponentially. In fact, that became the reason for them after a while. He was now more of a martial artist than when he first arrived in Japan. He now had full control over the Hidden Weapons technique and an unparalleled ability to create subspace pockets, a little trick he had learned from seeing Akane produce that damn mallet out of nowhere (that was how he carried his supplies now). He had even, in the rare spirit of fairness, let Ranma in on the secret during the testing stage a few weeks before he disappeared. During his long stay in the weirdness capital of Japan he had even learned the theory of how to produce chi attacks, yet he had never had the time to practice. Now, he finally had time to expand upon and perfect all he'd learned.

He was truly exited about going to school for the first time in years, too. He may have acted the over Xian Pu, but the fact that he spoke perfect, unaccented Japanese while she still struggled with her pidgin hinted at his true intellect. His genius in most things was overlooked for his entire life, first because of his gender then because of his 'blind' devotion to Xian Pu. Now he was determined to live up to his full potential. He had even gotten a perfect score on his new school's entrance exam. It seemed to him that Monday, and the start of his new life, couldn't come fast enough.

The weekend had gone by too fast in Ranma's opinion. As he'd predicted, he had needed several showers to wash away the tainted feeling that Kuno always left him with, and he _still_ didn't fell clean. Over the weekend, he had gone over all the potential problems that would arise from knowledge of his whereabouts. Thankfully, with Onizuka and his odd mix of students around, Holy Forest had seen a good deal of violence and weirdness. A little more wouldn't be much trouble. However, said violence and weirdness hardly ever spread outside the school grounds, and Ranma's problems always did. Collateral damage would be a catastrophe.

As he walked to school he reviewed all that was likely to occur so that he'd be prepared for it when he did. 'Let's see,' he thought, 'Kodachi's the most likely to show up next, so I should have the nut house on call, just in case. Ucchan and I are just friends, so she won't give me any trouble. Ryoga's probably still freaked out. The amazons are probably either laying low or halfway back to their village. Since I disowned my family, I don't have to worry about that stupid seppuku contract. That just leaves the annoyingly stubborn Tendos and my idiot pop. Heh, this won't be as bad as I thought.' He happily continued on his way to school with a smile on his face, never knowing that he'd miscalculated on the amazon front. He also forgot that Ryoga always responded to embarrassment with anger and that the Tendos, the Kunos, and his father were more trouble than the rest of the NWC could ever hope to be.

He had overslept today due to some really strange nightmares about Kuno, so he was running a little late. It was okay though. Onizuka didn't really care as long as you showed up. He was entering the classroom just as a new student was introducing himself. Something about him looked familiar, but Ranma couldn't think what. Then the student turned around.

"Mousse!" yelled Ranma.

"Saotome!" yelled Muu Tsu.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE _YOU_ DOING HERE!" they yelled simultaneously. Then they noticed the matching school uniforms. "AW CRAP!" was the mutual outburst. After that, and a few explanations from both, a truce was called and the rest of the day progressed rather well.

Ko Lon had just begun setting up her new restaurant (hey, she works fast) and had taken a break to pogo over to Holy Forest with the new offer for Ranma. 'I hope he takes this well,' she thought as she began to search for his chi signature. In such close proximity, it wasn't long before she found him. What stunned her was that she sensed Muu Tsu with him. 'Oh, Goddess, I hope he isn't making trouble. We're on shaky enough ground with Ranma as it is.'

At any rate, she had a mission to accomplish before Xian Pu took it into her empty head to track Ranma down herself. With the amazons' offer in mind, Ko Lon put all else aside and pogoed up and into the classroom where she sensed Ranma and Muu Tsu. Needless to say, both boys were a little stunned by her sudden appearance. Neither had planned on ever seeing the old ghoul again. Muu Tsu, facing a possibly dire fate for his desertion of the tribe, was frozen in fear. To his relief, she ignored him and turned to Ranma instead.

Seeing Ranma's reaction to her presence, Ko Lon was quick to reassure him. "Now, now, sonny-boy," she said. "Calm down. I'm not here to force Shampoo on you."

"Well, what _are_ you here for, then!" Ranma asked, rather rudely too.

Ko Lon just sighed wearily. It was a bit saddening that she had soured him to her so much by her actions. She then continued to present the offer that the amazons had come up with to him. "I'm here because the other elders and I wish to make you a deal that will benefit us all."

"What could you possibly have that I'd want?"

"We wish to make your female half a full Amazon."

This announcement was met with complete silence, with the exception of that mysterious wind that always seems to waft through in such situations. After a few seconds, Ranma blink-blinked and regained his equilibrium. "Hang on a sec," he said. "How the hell would I benefit from _that_?"

"Simple, Ranma, the other Amazon women would be unable to give your male form the Kiss of Marriage and your female form would be exempt from the Kiss of Death. Plus, the kisses Shampoo gave you would be voided. As for us, we would be gaining a powerful ally."

'Hmm,' thought Ranma, 'I'd never be bothered by the bimbo or her sisters again. That's enough reason right there. There's gotta be more though.' "Anything else I should know?" he asked.

"Well, if you join us, I would be free to teach you more of our people's techniques." Ranma's eyes lit up at that. "And the outsider laws wouldn't apply to you unless you wanted them to, though it's highly unlikely that you would be defeated by anyone."

'Well, _that_ certainly has possibilities,' thought Ranma, discretely eyeing up his new classmate and thinking about a certain Lost Boy. "I'll take it," he said.

"In that case," SPLASH "welcome to the tribe," said Ko Lon to a now female Ranma. "Should we call you Ranko in this form, or will Ranma suffice?" she said with a grin.

"Very funny," said a soaked and irritable Ranma-chan. It was a good thing Muu Tsu had chosen to sit as far as possible from Ranma. Otherwise, we would be treated to some very annoyed quacking.

"Well, you might as well get used to it," said Ko Lon. "As the elder that brought you into the tribe and your future trainer, by Amazon law, I am now your Great-grandmother."

Ranma hadn't counted on that. And the bug-eyed look she wore was proof of it. That look proved too much for Ko Lon, and she nearly split her sides laughing. "What did you expect, dearie?" she asked after she had calmed down. "_Some_body has to teach you our ways. We've found that the best way to do that is by making new amazons family. I've always wanted to train you further; ever since you mastered the Chestnut Fist. You showed great potential in learning it in under a week. Now, I can teach you without anyone complaining that you're an outsider or male."

Ranma rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment and pride and blushed a pretty shade of pink. Then she recalled a possible fly in the ointment. "So," she said, "Shampoo's _okay_ with this?"

It was Ko Lon's turn to blush as she muttered, "I haven't exactly told her yet."

"Why not?" Ranma asked.

"I thought it would be best to ask you first so that she could cause less trouble by staying where she is instead of tracking you down on her own."

"Where is she?"

"Setting up the new restaurant. Speaking of which," she finally turns to the previously ignored Muu Tsu, "there's a spot waiting for you, Mr. Part-time. I don't know what made you run off, but welcome back with a place to stay."

'Now or never,' thought Muu Tsu. "I'm not going with you," he said.

Ko Lon blink-blinked at that. "What?"

"You want to know why I left, old mummy? I'll tell you. It was constantly being rejected by the one I loved and driven like a slave by one who was supposed to be my respected elder. I have a new life now."

She blink-blinked again. 'So,' she thought. 'I guess I shouldn't have been so tough on him. But,' "The only reason why I was so hard on you was to make you stronger, Muu Tsu. You must admit, it _has_ worked. But, I will accept your decision." Muu Tsu looked slightly humbled by her admission. She then turned to Ranma. "How about you, Ranma? You'd get room and board and an allowance as well as your training."

"I guess," said Ranma. "It'd be a lot better than that rat hole I live in. As long as it doesn't interfere with school."

"I suppose that's acceptable."

Ko Lon pogoed back to the new restaurant, happy with the outcome of the meeting with Ranma, yet a little disappointed with the loss of Muu Tsu. When she got there, she saw that Xian Pu had just finished setting up the last of the tables.

"Great-grandmother find Airen?" asked Xian Pu.

"Yes," Ko Lon replied. "And you will have to stop calling him that."

"Why? What happen? He lock in curse again?"

"No, not at all. The other village elders and I have decided to make his girl side an Amazon. Both the kisses you gave him are cancelled."

"WHAT!"

"He has agreed and I will be teaching her more of our techniques as soon as we have this place up and running," said Ko Lon, rolling right over any protests Xian Pu would have made.

"But Great-grandmother!"

"No buts. The entire village has agreed, with my recommendation, that it would be foolish to antagonise him further. And that is all your marriage attempts have done, even when I helped you. All that has changed now, and you will have to accept Ranma's girl half as your sister." Xian Pu glared at her stubbornly, then stomped off to take out her frustrations on the remaining workload. Ko Lon knew that she would have to keep an eye on the girl in the future, but at least she had been warned that Ranma had the protection of the entire village and that he was now off-limits. Anything she did now was punishable by Amazon law, which would hopefully teach her caution and humility in the future.

'As times change,' thought Ko Lon, 'so must we change, lest we stagnate and die.' She had always had such thoughts and fears for their Amazon culture. That was the reason she had allowed Muu Tsu to stay. She had a fondness for him and wanted him to grow stronger. That was also the reason for the outsider laws… well, the male half anyway. The original outsider law pertaining to women was that the defeated Amazon should track down the outsider female and beat her in combat to prove their strength and honour. The killing part was some blood-thirsty, vengeful elder's idea.

The outsider laws were there to bring in new blood and new ideas… to bring in change. It was too bad that Muu Tsu had left the village, though. Strong males to breed strong children _was_ still part of the equation, especially since many of the stronger males over time had defected to the Musk or simply left the area altogether.

Since Xian Pu was running on an anger driven high and, unlike Akane, could focus in that state, the restaurant was set up, stocked, and ready for business in under an hour. Ko Lon decided to use the same name for this restaurant as the last one since Ranma already knew they were there. It would also make it easier for him to find them. After the old sign was erected, Ko Lon pogoed upstairs into the living quarters to prepare a room for him. She had given him directions to the restaurant and wanted to be ready for his arrival after school.

AN: Well, that's the next chappy. If you like, please tell me. If not, don't bug me. I'm making this up as I go.


	9. Changes and Training

AN: Sorry it took so long, but I'm a student and had piles of homework that took precedence.

* * *

Kasumi was in the kitchen as she so often was. Genma was still living with them and the amount of food needed for meals had hardly decreased after Ranma's departure. It was beginning to seem as if she spent all of her time cooking. She had seriously begun to grow tired of it. Especially since she no longer had the added perk of training Ranma in matters of… intimacy. Without her 'Wild Horse' around, Kasumi no longer found joy in caring for her family.

Just as she was contemplating ordering take-out for the first time in years, Akane walked into the kitchen and asked if she could help. Kasumi got a very nasty idea then and she agreed. 'I can keep her more stupid mistakes to a minimum,' she thought, 'but I'll let her cook dinner. Maybe she'll learn why Ranma-kun never wanted to eat the revolting things she called food.' With these thoughts in mind, Kasumi set aside the ingredients for her own dinner and let Akane have free reign, being sure to keep her from blowing up anything or otherwise damaging the kitchen.

After a gruelling (for Akane) hour of cooking, 'dinner' was ready. Kasumi called in the victims… er… family, and everyone sat down to eat. She, of course, served everyone else first, being sure to let them poison themselves so that she could have her own dinner in peace and quiet. Nabiki was the first to pick up on the strangeness of the meal just by looking at it. "Hmm…" she said, "dinner sure looks… different tonight, oneesan."

It was a stroke of luck that everyone had been out while it was being prepared. Otherwise, the unnecessary noise that Akane makes when she cooks would have given away the threat… er… surprise. As it was, she was able to tell a believable lie. "It's a new recipe," Kasumi said with a smile. "It's simply to _die_ for."

Nabiki missed neither the emphasis on that one word nor the proud smile Akane wore at the perceived complement. That and the strange smell wafting from the dish before her helped her put two and two together. "To be honest," she said, though we all know she rarely ever is, "I'm not all that hungry." It was sort of true. Having whatever-that-was placed in front of her simply killed her appetite. "I think I'll just go watch TV." So saying, she turned it on and paid the others no mind.

The fathers, who were nowhere near as intelligent as Nabiki, raised their bowls as soon as Akane did. There was a mad rush to the bathroom after the first spoonful as the taste was bad enough to make them toss up the day's previous meals. Back in the family room, Nabiki turned to Kasumi with that impassive look on her face and said, "That was cruel, sis."

Kasumi just giggled then said, "Maybe they'll start cooking for themselves after a few days of this. You too. Either that or Akane will finally figure out that her food tastes like shit and stop trying. Either way, I'm not doing it anymore."

"Why now, oneechan? Why this change all of a sudden?"

"Because you're all old enough to take care of yourselves and the only person I actually _want_ to care for is gone."

"Ranma, huh? I have to admit, I'm kind of at a loss myself. He's gone but the only expense to decrease was the cost of repairs. Plus, we have less money coming in because I don't have anymore info to sell. And even if I did I'd be putting my financial health at risk. He might decide to sue, and he'd win. Plus some of my best customers have left, I have no more betting pools to run, and I gave up selling Ranma's pictures the day he paid off all his debts."

"Nabiki-chan, don't you feel the least bit guilty for doing all that? It _is_ all illegal, after all."

"Don't worry. I got Ranma's permission for most of it as a way to pay for room and board and for damage to the house from his fights. You don't honestly think I could sneak up on a highly trained, super powered martial artist if he didn't let me, do you?"

"You have a point."

"I kinda miss him, too. He was so much fun to tease. So, when do you plan to drop the whole oblivious housewife act?"

"Whatever do you mean, Nabiki-chan? Kasumi asked innocently.

"They're coming back, aren't they?"

"Of course."

Then the trio walked in and the two returned to their roles as if nothing had happened. Nabiki became the cold-hearted Ice Queen (though it wasn't much of a stretch) and Kasumi the sweet and biddable daughter (though it was far from the truth). As the three sat down, Akane wondered what could have possibly gone wrong. She then concluded, as she almost always does, that something was wrong with the ingredients. She decided she'd try something else for tomorrow, since Kasumi had told her she could make dinner for the rest of the week. It was only Monday.

The fathers, still not sensing a change in dynamics, were shocked at the abysmal quality of a normally excellent meal. "Kasumi, are you ill?" Soun asked. "That was the worst meal you've ever made," said Genma.

Akane fumed at the insult that Genma had given her cooking. Since her normal punching bag was gone, she decided to use the resident substitute. "GENMA NO BAKA‼" Mallet-sama strikes again. Unfortunately he only went as far as the koi pond.

* * *

A week had finally passed. Kasumi had oh-so-nicely cut back on the rest of her chores as well as the cooking. Her now consisted of preparing a normal sized breakfast and lunch (Genma had to get used to smaller portions) and tidying up in lieu of full cleaning. She normally swept, mopped, and dusted the house from top to bottom, but now she merely picked up discarded items in the common areas and put them away. She didn't bother cleaning anyone's room anymore, not even the guest room as Genma had been living there long enough to no longer _be_ a guest. She and Nabiki decided to talk over important matters while the rest of the household was recovering from Akane's dinners. One of the discussions was about the family finances as they pertained to further education.

As a result of this discussion, Kasumi was enrolled in classes at the local college. The family funds were still somewhat sound due to the fact that Nabiki continued selling pictures of Akane, which didn't do _nearly_ as well as pictures of either of Ranma's forms. And the Hentai Horde was back, so betting pools were open again. If things continued this way, they'd have just enough for all three Tendo sisters to go to college with a little left over for the house. Nabiki planned on applying for scholarships for Todai, and she didn't foresee any problems with getting them or getting in.

As for Kasumi, since the fathers never really paid much attention to anything other than their shogi games or plots to find Ranma (they actually tried to coerce Nabiki to tell them where he was), they'd never notice her absence. And if they did, they'd probably think she was out running errands while she was in class. Akane spent most of her time confused at having to clean her own room and angry at all things male (though the bulk of her anger was aimed at an absent Ranma). Genma learned to hold his tongue in her presence as he had become her new punching bag. He often considered moving back in with his wife, but that would mean having to find a steady job and dealing with Katana-sama.

Nabiki had secretly gotten a part-time job to strengthen their finances. She was finally of an age to do so without her father's permission or knowledge. Added to her other business ventures and investments, the family was in the black and would stay that way for a while. With the exception of Akane's temper tantrums, things were running somewhat smoothly in the Tendo house. At least they were until…

"MUAHAHAHA‼ What a haul‼ What a haul‼" Yes, the little old pervert had returned. It was just after dinner and Akane had just recovered from her latest disaster. Everyone else had wisely either cooked for themselves or eaten out. Happosai, waving a bra around, cheerfully bounced into the family room where everyone else was watching TV. "Where's Ranma?" he asked. "I've got lovely little number I want her to try on."

"That rotten pervert ran away," said Akane.

"So," said Happi, "how long'll he be gone _this_ time?!"

"It's permanent, gramps," said Nabiki.

"WHAT‼" He then turned to Soun and Genma who were sitting at their shogi board. "What have you done to my heir?!"

"Calm down, jiji," said Nabiki. "They didn't do anything but the same old routine. Akane drove him away."

"What are you talking about?!" shouted Akane. "I didn't do anything to the pervert!"

"He probably got sick of you calling him a pervert and hitting him all the time."

"He deserves it. If he didn't want to be called a pervert he shouldn't have acted like one!"

"Well, at least I know why the boy left," said Happosai. "Any idea where he is?"

"Nabiki knows," said Soun, "but she won't even tell her own father."

"That information is at a premium, daddy," said Nabiki. "You can't afford it."

"So, Nabiki-chan," said Happosai, "care to tell an old man where his most promising heir has gone?"

"Not on your life. You don't have anything I want and I'm not gonna push my luck with Ranma. I'm lucky he hasn't sued me by now."

"There's no way that jerk would be smart enough to sue, oneechan," said Akane.

"He was smart enough to get a restraining order and change his name before he left," Nabiki said snidely. "And let's not forget that we never did find out who tipped off the cops about the Amazons."

"Things got that bad, huh?" said Happosai. "Well, I'll probably come across him soon anyhow. I always do. Might as well be off then." And with that, the little old man made his way to his room too restock a few supplies. Soon after, he could be seen roof-hopping away into the distance. He had decided to start his search by tracking three familiar ki signatures that were normally in Ranma's presence, the Amazons. Lucky for him, he'd hit pay-dirt, as he'd soon learn.

* * *

Muu Tsu was back with the Amazons again. Ko Lon had offered him a better position than his other job had and promised better treatment from now on. He wouldn't have taken it if she hadn't given her word as an elder (the tribe _did_ need promising males after all). All he had to do was put up with a bossy Xian Pu. He even got along with Ranma, though he often caught the pig-tailed martial artist giving him odd looks. Xian Pu was now getting bonked on the head as often as he used to and, due to her occasional violent outbursts or bouts of glomping, Xian Pu was now finding herself occupying his old cage in her cat form from time to time.

The only real disturbance in their new routine was the occasional appearance of Kuno at school. He was often dealt with swiftly and brutally by Ranma and the rest of the day continued smoothly. Things were going so well that Muu Tsu was worried. After living in Nerima for so long, Muu Tsu could only draw one conclusion from the peace and quiet; something bad was coming. He wasn't too far off the mark. They had enjoyed three weeks of relative peace under the same roof when they suddenly heard the feeble voice of an old man out on the street.

"Ranma-chan," he called, "doko da?"

Ranma, who was currently waiting tables in his girl form, looked up in shock and horror to see a certain old pervert (she was hoping to never see again) walk into the restaurant. "What the hell are you doing here, jiji?!" she shouted.

"Now, don't be like that," the old man plaintively replied. "I followed the amazons' chi signatures just to find you."

"Just when I thought I was rid of you, too."

"I know, I know. I missed you too, Ranma. Now that I've found you and we don't have to worry about the two fools (Soun and Genma) or the time bomb (Akane), it's time to get down to some serious training."

"What're you talking about? I'm not your student!"

"You practise anything goes, that makes you my student. And you're the only one in my 300 plus years who shows promise. I think it's time to teach you the true secrets of my Art."

"Oh yeah? Like what? How to steal panties off a movin target? No thanks!"

Muu Tsu, who was waiting tables with Ranma, had run to the kitchen to tell Kho Lon about the new arrival as soon as he heard Happosai's voice. She had expected the old gnome to show up at some point and wasn't too surprised by his presence. "So," she said as she hopped into the main room, "you finally dropped by, Happi."

"Yep," Happosai replied. "Found out why the boy ran off first though. Can't say I blame him."

"Your training methods always were a bit… extreme, but leaving him in that house was a bit much."

Muu Tsu and Ranma were watching the conversation avidly like spectators at a tennis match. Ranma immediately realised that they were talking about him, but didn't want interrupt his self-appointed hibachan.

"What do you mean, Kho Lon chan?" said Happosai. "It served its purpose, didn't it? He's far stronger and tougher than he was when that girl first started in with the mallets. And I'd bet anything he's a master at negotiation from living with a blackmail artist."

"True, but it's probably scarred him for life."

"Besides, you're one to talk with that Bakusai Tenketsu training."

While Kho Lon was left blushing at that comment (hey, he _was_ right, after all) Ranma decided to cut in. "Wait a sec! You mean all that bullshit back in Nerima was just _training_?!"

"Of course, Ranma," Happosai replied. "You don't honestly think I'd leave you in that Social Services nightmare without a good reason, do you? No one who claimed to care for you would. I knew you were strong enough to handle it. Besides, you ended up leaving on your own and that's just proof of your strength. They didn't break you like I often thought they would."

"You gonna pull that whole 'that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger' crap, jiji?"

"Well, it's true in your case. Anyway, I still have a few things to teach you if you'll let me. And, no, they don't have anything to do with my hobby."

"Suuuure they don't."

"I'd train with him if I were you," said Kho Lon.

"Huh? Why?"

"Pervert though he may be, he does have _some_ merits. Let's not forget that he's as ancient and skilled a martial artist as I am. You can learn a lot in 300 years."

"You've got a point there, granny. Alright, jiji, I'll train with ya. Pull anything funny, though, and you can find yourself a new 'heir'."

"Deal!" said the old pervert.

* * *

It turned out that the old freak actually _did_ know more than flipping skirts and throwing fire crackers. In the month that followed, Ranma learned the _true_ Vacuum Blades technique and how to use his battle aura like a weapon as well as several other tricks the master had up his sleeves. Ryoga would occasionally show up to pick a fight, having gotten lost as he always does, and would be the unwitting guinea pig (no pig joke intended) for whatever new thing Ranma had learned. He now blamed Ranma for the fact that Akane didn't notice him, even though anyone could see the girl was a lesbian. Hell, Ranma had even caught her at it a time or two… not that she knew that.

It was good practice for Ranma, along with sparring with Muu Tsu. Plus, he could always say his straying hands were employing a diversionary tactic. Ryoga was all-too-happy to buy that excuse. It allowed him to deny the other reasons. As for Ranma's other training, every now and then he'd head back Nerima to visit his Kas-chan for a little… chat. Never mind the fact that little talking was ever done. Today just happened to be one of his visits. He had waited until he was sure Kasumi was alone in her room (soundproofed courtesy of Nabiki before the visits ever began) then he entered through the window. They were just getting started when Akane came bursting in.

"Kasumi," she said as she barged in, "I need help with… RANMA NO HENTAI!!" she yelled to the nearly naked boy as she readied Mallet-sama.

"Akane," Kasumi said sternly, "don't you ever knock?"

The girl in question was too busy chasing Ranma around the room with a mallet to listen. The fathers, who ran to investigate Akane's outburst, were standing in the doorway in shock. Both of them had thoughts racing through their heads as the watched the boy dodge around the room in his underwear. Soun was debating whether to be angry that Ranma cheated on Akane, angry that Ranma sullied his eldest, or happy that Ranma showed interest in any of his daughters and proved that the whole 'gay' thing was a joke and the schools would be joined. Genma was just shocked that his son had returned and that he'd proven to be so… bold. Genma had begun to think that Ranma had no sex drive whatsoever. The final thought between the two of them was ultimately that it was a good thing that Ranma was fooling around with Kasumi.

"The schools will finally be joined, Saotome-kun!" yelled Soun.

"Atta boy, Ranma! Didn't know you had it in you!" yelled Genma.

"YOU GUYS AIN'T HELPIN!" yelled Ranma as he paused in his mad dash around the room. It was a pity he stopped when he did, for it allowed Akane to catch him and whack him out the window. On the upside, it offered an effective means of escape. Thankfully, he'd managed to pick up his clothes during the chase.


	10. Revelation and Reflection

AN: It's been a long time coming, and you may hate me for how it turned out, but here's chapter ten. My only excuse is that I've been working on other stories. I'll be sure not to put those up until they're several chapters long... or finished, in one case.

* * *

It had been several days since his last visit to the Tendo dojo and Ranma had been considering asking his elder a tricky question. It was during his evening training that he finally decided to ask. "Elder," she said during a rest period (girl form was a requirement of the training), "what, exactly, are the laws pertaining to marriage?"

"Depends on what you want to know," Kho Lon replied. "Are you asking for your male half or female half?"

"Actually, I was wondering if they allowed for more than one spouse."

"Yes, though Xian Pu would never admit it. She could have shared you with the others if you were so inclined. Why?"

"Well…" she hesitated briefly, "I kind of like more than one person… enough to marry them even… and I was wondering if I could is all."

"Ah… I see. I take it one of these people is Tendo Kasumi, ne? Who might the other be?

"Umm… others, actually. Do uh… does your village law say anything about gender curses and such…? For marriage I mean."

"So your others are either male or of both genders, I take it. No need to worry. Since your curse is complete in every way that matters and incurable, our laws allow for such unions. Some people even get cursed on purpose for that very reason, though I thought you were only joking about your preferences."

"Well, not entirely. I've known I was bi for years… before pop even took me to China. I was about thirteen when I first realized it, but I didn't accept it until the curse gave me an excuse and outlet."

"So, who are my future in-laws?" She paused for a second to think. "Please, don't tell me you're interested in the Kuno's. They'd lose you all the respect you've gained from the elders."

"No way! Just the thought of them makes my flesh crawl." Ranma visibly shuddered for emphasis.

"So? Tell old Granny who you like?" Kho Lon said slyly, enjoying their bit of 'girl talk'.

Ranma hung her head and blushed in embarrassment, "Two of 'em I can't say, but the other's Muu Tsu."

'Well, well,' thought Kho Lon. 'That explains a lot. Though why he can tell me one but not the others is puzzling.' "Well, since he's still an Amazon male, asylum or no, by our law defeating you is unnecessary. You just have to ask him to be your Airen. Butter him up first though."

"Hai, hibachan," said a grinning Ranma.

Returning from his aerial deliveries (it was faster that way) a certain duck suddenly got the urge to fly as far away from his destination as possible. Too bad he didn't go with it.

0.0

Nabiki was in her room, going over the books. Her investments had been doing very well in the stock market lately. So well that she no longer needed Ranma anymore. But she still missed him. They were partners, in a way. One could say she was his agent. After all, she was the one who set up the pit fights and worked out his contracts at _legitimate _modelling agencies. It was just too bad she had to throw in blackmail, otherwise they might have had more than just an unequal partnership. But she had burned her bridges there. All she could do now was get on with life and clean up the mess. Speaking of which, Akane was in the kitchen, cooking herself dinner.

You would think she'd have given up by now or realized that her 'food' isn't fit for consumption. Not Akane. She simply blames it on a spoiled ingredient or some such nonsense and keeps trying. True, she had been showing more caution with regards to tasting her concoctions, but they hadn't improved much. Such caution would only count if she would pay more attention during the cooking process. These days, the biggest things Nabiki had to worry about as far as Akane went were getting her stomach pumped after every meal and convincing the authorities that the girl wasn't suicidal.

The truly sad part was that there was no longer a reason for it. After catching Ranma in Kasumi's room, the fathers forgot all about Akane. Unfortunately, it seemed that the idea had yet to sink into the girl's thick head that she was free of the engagement… that Ranma was someone else's fiancé. The schools would still be joined… just without having to drag her down the isle, for she'd proven that she wouldn't go any other way.

That didn't mean she'd give up though. Her anger had been through the roof lately and it was mostly directed at an absent Ranma and an uncaring Kasumi. That possessive streak shone through, even though she'd proven, time and again, that she didn't want him. One could only guess that Akane just didn't want anyone else to have him either, much like a ratty toy. When Kasumi was asked how she felt about her sister's response, her only reply was "snooze, you lose."

It often made Nabiki wonder, "What if?" What if she'd taken the engagement from the beginning? What if she had refused to switch it back that one time Akane threw him at her? What if she'd simply been nicer to him? She leaned back in her chair as the possibilities played through her mind. Things would have been much different. Unlike Akane, she would have placed the blame for much of the disasters and extra fiancées squarely where it belonged… on Genma. It would have saved much time and headaches, though the resulting chaos was always fun to watch from the outside.

If anybody had bothered to ask her, there were simple solutions to both the other engagements, and blackmail would have been so easy with Kodachi. But, since no one ever asked, she merely sat back and watched for fun and profit. 'Oh well,' she thought as she leaned forward again. 'Can't change the past, much as I wish I could.' With that, she got back to work.


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue

* * *

The years had been kind to Ranma and his family… after they had settled down, of course. It was with much joyful weeping that Soun married off not just one but both of his elder daughters to Ranma, having had the Amazon marriage laws explained in full by Kho Lon. Akane was… not happy. But then, no one asked for her opinion. She _had_ her chance. Muu Tsu was a tough nut, but he finally cracked after much effort (and jiggly bits) on Ranma's part.

Ranma's second husband came as a bit of a shock. No one would have ever expected it. After all, they didn't know each other very well and didn't exactly part on the best of terms when they'd first met, but that could be said for most of Ranma's acquaintances. Their union brought a bit more peace to Jusenkyo Valley in a way that few had ever attempted. Ranma married Prince/ess Haa Bu of the Musk him(her)self! Not only did it unite the Amazons and Musk politically, but the fact that both halves of the couple had gender curses made the Musk Council change their laws on child rearing. You can't exactly take male children away from the woman if neither is really a woman, can you?

As for Genma, he tried going back to Nodoka after Ranma's double wedding with Kasumi and Nabiki. After all, nothing says manly like two wives, right? Sadly, it's kind of hard to live with (or even get into the home of) a woman who doesn't care if you live or die. Most of the time, she acted as if he wasn't there. This eventually drove him back to the Tendo dojo, not that she noticed.

With Yuka and Sayuri marrying Hiroshi and Daisuke respectively, and Ryoga finally marrying Akari, Akane was on her own. Her man-hating reputation ensured that no one but Kuno wanted her, and she still hadn't grown out of it. She dated Ryu Kumon for a while, but he got sick of her and left. In the end, she ran off to Ryugenzawa to a man she knew loved her… even if he could never remember saying it.

And they all lived ha-... err, nevermind! The End

* * *

AN: Considering how hard it was to finish this, and adding the fact that i didn't even do the crossover right, ya ain't gettin a sequel! Phew! That was exhausting!


End file.
